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WRITER, ARTIST and LOVER OF A GREAT MELODY
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Tuesday, April 3, 2012

JOB INTERVIEWS

There are few things more demeaning and humiliating than being interviewed by a stranger (sometimes several strangers) for a new job. Forget the fact that your whole world has changed by the loss of your former position. Get ready to park yourself in front of a computer and fill out endless pages of job applications, only to to blow the whole two hour process by downloading the wrong cover letter and resume with the incorrect position you are asking for. Your bills are all due, the house mortgage is late and someone without insurance just backed into your car.
 But wait.....there's hope. You get an e-mail from a company interested in your credentials and they want to schedule an interview.....not until next week though. The anxiety builds. Now life has to stick the knife in by forcing you to answer the silliest, most mundane questions on a job interview that's only the first of a series of interviews......Hope you make it through this one.
Much  has been written on the internet about how to interview, what to wear, how to speak, how to answer, your body language, your attitude, etc. All this is in preparation for some of the most useless and scripted questions you will ever be asked in your life.
And now there is a new group of people doing the asking....they are called Recruiters. They don't know anything about you except what's on paper or about the type of job you do......nor do they care.  They are just happy to have a job themselves.
Here are some of their favorite interview questions with the real answers :

Q.  What do you think you'll bring to the table if you are hired?
A.   A.....everything in my resume and cover letter. Did you read it?

Q.   Are you a team player?
A.   I generally prefer doing my own work without the lazy brown-nosers in the group getting any credit for what I busted my butt doing.

Q.   What was your worst job and how did you correct it?
A.   Cleaning the toilet when I was a kid.....I got corrected for not doing it right!!!!

Q.  How did you find out about this postion?
A.  Who cares......I can't remember.

Q.  What kind of salary are you looking for?
A.   The absolute most you'll give me.  My mortgage is 2 months late.

Q.   What are your weaknesses?
A.   If  I have any, I won't be sharing them with you.

Q.   What do you think your strengths are?
A.   They are too numerous to mention.....unless you have a couple of hours.

Q.   Why do you want this position?
A.   Duh!!  I need a job.



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